Stay Away from the Edge–It’s Slippery

I recently wondered why I ever named my blog “anticipating victory.” It has seemed so hopeless. It seems that whatever treatment I try either backfires or helps only minimally, and as I keep reacting to new allergens, my “safe list” shrinks. I thought to myself that I just need a new body, to put the same ol’ me in; then I remembered the line from a song that goes: “I’ll have a new body, I’ll have a new life.” Well, there you go! One way or another, there will be victory!—if not in this life, then for sure in the next. I have a sure hope that I will meet my Lord someday and live in a glorified body, even sit down to eat whatever I want at the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. (You can know that for sure, too http://www.ahomeforyourfamily.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=25&Itemid=77.) I’m hoping for lots of garlic, herbs, and sweet red peppers—and let’s not forget my beloved peanut butter for dessert. The best thing about that new body is that there will be no more temptation, no more sin, no more sorrow, no more weeping over what we’ve lost down here. When I think about all that, then brown rice and some protein today (and tomorrow, and the next day, etc.) isn’t so bad. Which leads me to my next thought.

I have found that wallowing in the mire of self-pity doesn’t help. You can really get stuck there. While you’re stuck there, you tend to get the ones you love dirty, too, and then joy disappears from the home. No fun at all!—especially in a house full of dramatic little girls. The big girl (aka Mommy) has to keep her glasses clean in order to see hope for tomorrow. I’m so thankful for the ones who recently worked so hard to pull me out—my husband, my mom, and my oldest daughter. They are so patient with me and kind to pray with me, show me love when I’m not exactly being nice, and remind me of all the good in my life. The three of them made a good team to help pick me up after a couple of really difficult weeks, but do you know Who was most responsible for getting me out, putting me on the rock, and cleaning me up? The Lord Jesus, of course. He’s the One who lives inside of me in the person of the Holy Spirit, reminds me of verses from His Word, and brings songs to my mind. I’m so thankful for all those verses I memorized as a child and for all those great hymns of the faith that I grew up singing in church and at home. When He reminds me of one and I sing it for days on end at home, one of my girls invariably asks where I got that song. Well, it’s in my heart! It’s a part of me!

Having said all of that and in spite of today’s positive attitude, I must admit that I keep finding myself on slippery ground these days. Fatigue, headaches, frustration, disappointment (I’ll stop there because I don’t want to complain)—they all strike daily blows and it is hard to stay on my feet. So, I thank you for praying for me and ask you to please continue. If you think of me, just assume the Lord brought me to your mind specifically to pray for me—if I’m not struggling at that moment, I very well may be soon. Along with praying for correct diagnosis, treatment, and healing, please also pray for my attitude. I want to live to rear these children for the Lord, which means I’ve got to be living for Him daily myself, not just when I feel good. My desire is that the following verses become true of my life: I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. ~ Psalm 40:1-3 I am fully aware that the problem is definitely not in the Lord’s power to put me on the rock and establish my goings; it is in my staying there on the rock and not wandering back to the slippery edge of self-pity. I’ve got to stay away from the edge!

Update:

Tomorrow is a big day for me! I’ll have samples of my hair clipped off at the root and sent for analysis—hoping to find out what is “really” wrong with me. The diagnosis of “pollen-related food allergy syndrome” doesn’t make much sense anymore—especially since I reacted to mushrooms, which don’t produce pollen. There seems to be more than just pollen confusion involved in my situation. Apparently, a hair analysis can determine metal/mineral ratios in the body and point to a deficiency/imbalance, which can guide a knowledgeable doctor to prescribe a treatment plan for the allergy to be “permanently eliminated.” Let me say that again—“PERMANENTLY ELIMINATED!” I never knew hair could tell such a story! I’m consulting via email with a doctor in Cyprus, sending my hair to Arizona for analysis, and praying to the God of the universe that I’ll be cured right here in Moldova. Whether I am cured or not, I am determined to praise the Lord with my life!

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